Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
