so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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