everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
