It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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