so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize