Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
