this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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