Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
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I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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