just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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