now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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