i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
