oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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