I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
