$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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