I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked