If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We are all done wearing pants today
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
