Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
