mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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