so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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