I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
