I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
