She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
