so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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