I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
