is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
