Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
