She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
