I have demons in me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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