dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
