wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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