just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
