Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
