Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
