"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
