Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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