I'm really into asian looking animals
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
