That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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