I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
