I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
