you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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