My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
