I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
