You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
