life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
