There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
