Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
