If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
