its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
