Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
