Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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