I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
