i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
