Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
