I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Mom said you looked used
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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