dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
