we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
