how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
