did you get engaged???
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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