..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
