He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm too high and old for this...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
