the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize