I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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