All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
