her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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