All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
