Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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