better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I could fuck to npr.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
