At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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