She's like a pop up book from hell.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
