As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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