how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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