we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
