Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
