the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
