talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
