Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
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